Mums… We need to talk!

As I family photographer for 18 yrs I have heard every reason why women don’t like themselves, or what to be in photos…

I’m too fat

My eyes are too small

I don't like my wrinkles

That’s not my best side.

I don’t like my hair

I hate myself in photos

They don't realize that when their kids have grown up and what to look back on their family photos to fondly remember their childhood, that those things won't matter at all..

Recently I was showing a mum the photos from a recent session. Her family photo session with her 2 teenagers daughters had been super fun as they had brought their dogs along for this session. Including family pets in a session always makes it super relaxed as the family laughs at their pets reactions.

Before we started photographing her session, the first thing she said to me, was that they have never had family photos & how much she wished she had family photos from when her girls were little . She was so excited she was going to finally have that family photo to proudly display on her wall.

I was so excited to show her a slideshow of the beautiful photos of her family. When the slideshow was complete, she was super happy & excited to chose her favourites. They had so many lovely photos to chose from, but most importantly she had her request of a gorgeous family photo with her husband, her two gorgeous teenage girls & even her 2 dogs all smiling at the camera.

But when we started to pick her favourites for her wall., she kept on saying she didn’t like each family photo.....

So, there I was looking at the gorgeous family photos, that every mother dreams of having of their family. Everyone was happy, looking great, with great outfits that really suited them and relaxed with beautiful, natural smiles. I couldn’t help but ask her “what was wrong” ???

Do you know what her answer was?

That her fringe was messy……

As soon the words left her mouth my heart sank. I couldn't quite believe what she was saying.

The reason why I am so passionate about my business, is because I lost my dad very suddenly in 2011 to a heart attack. He was a healthy, happy 68 yr old, just starting to enjoy his retirement with my mum, and suddenly he was gone.

When I went back to look at our photos after he had passed there we no family photos, other than the stiff, boring family photos were taken on my wedding day. Those staged photos that are taken at a church door with everyone watching. Although it is important to document the wedding day; there is nothing about these photos that really capture who my family really was.

Those photos didn’t capture the special relationship between my Dad and I.

Growing up I had always been close to my Dad and shared a special bond with him. He loved fishing, and from a young age I loved going out on his boat and he would teach me all his fishing tricks. I could never sleep on a car journey, so when we were driving on family holidays we would chat all the way, while everyone else slept around us. He ran an orchid nursery and I loved being able to work with him on the weekends & school holidays.

When I got married and moved away from home, we developed an even stronger bond; He was the first person I would call when I had a problem, needed some advice or a shoulder to cry on. He was an amazing Grandpa to my 3 kids. My parents retired to a property in Bowral, and he loved teaching the kids about his cattle, riding horses, feeding the chooks and gardening. The perfect weekend getaway for city kids.

When I started my business I realized he had also been my mentor.

I had thought my Dad would be around forever, that he as a doting granddad would watch my kids grow up…

and in a heartbeat that was all taken away from me....

We never did family photos when I was younger.. my mum made all the typical excuses.. she would lose 10 kilos and then she would do it. There wasn't enough time as my dad worked on the weekends. She worried that with 3 kids so close in age we wouldn't behave.

I can never go back and capture that… I will forever wish that could have been different...

And yet here I was sitting with this mum who had something that I would give anything to have and all she could see was her messy fringe...

It made me feel so upset & sad...

How have we become too concerned about our “perfection” that we are missing out on seeing the real connection in a family photo.

I know those two teenage girls will never look back and worry that their mums fringe wasn't perfect. They will just see an amazing moment of their childhood captured, the connection and love between their parents and the love their parents have for them. They will see how much their dogs were part of their family.

When their dogs have passed, or even harder still when they lose one of their parents, those photos will become an incredible treasure to them...

I would never have looked back at a family photo & thought my mum would have looked better if she had lost 10 kilos.

So ladies, You really need to think about this… and I know it's hard to think about... but what do you want your children to have to remember you one day when you are gone?

Would you love a treasured moment that you know will always make your children smile every time they look at it, or are you too concerned about your little “faults” that you are losing sight of what is really important?

I know I should lose some weight, I have a bunch of little wrinkles that show my age, and my hair never seems to do the right thing when we do our family photos, but I know I will never regret having our family photos taken many times over the years.

I know that one day when I am gone, my kids will have beautiful photos to show their kids & tell them about their childhood.

Don't let the excuses get in the way... take the time to capture your family portrait.

The only photo of my Dad and I

My My family photo from last year, I could find all the faults in myself, but all I can s see my family’s story of this year. My boys getting bigger and starting to step away a little from us, Millie still by my side at 15 but wanting a little more independence. And how my hubby and I have actually become closer as the kids have grown older.