Pre & Post natal depression and anxiety

Why is this something we never talk about??? The number of women that go through it and you only hear about it after you reluctantly say something to a friend, or even a stranger. And often after the worst of it has passed and you are coming out the other side?

I remember finding out I was  pregnant with my second and if I am completely honest I felt so much guilt as I wasn’t happy to be pregnant, I wondered if I had made a mistake and it felt awful inside that I might not actually want my baby.

I then started to get really sick, I was 3 months pregnant and was skin and bone as they investigated what was wrong with me and in the end was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease. My feelings totally flipped around, I realised how much I wanted my baby! I was terrified about if he would be ok! I was told to take medications that can cause birth defects, but was informed by my Drs that if I didn’t get better and look after me, that it would be worse for my unborn child. 

In the end I gave birth to a perfectly healthy baby boy. I was loving every moment. I had forgotten the newborn touch and smell. I was taking everything in and able to enjoy it the second time around as I wasn’t filled with the fear and unknown of a first time mum. But as the months went by I found myself getting lost in dark thoughts, I would sit in my room feeding and just crying and not sure why? I never spoke to anyone about how I felt and was confused as to why I felt like I did.

I found myself going to the feeding clinics at the community centre even though I had no issues feeding, and would find myself crying when the community nurse told me I was doing a great job! I guess this raised some alarm bells with her, I so she asked me to come in for an appointment, where they get you to answer a questionnaire. I don’t think I was completely honest in it but even still I was recording levels on depression.

One night confused and feeling alone and unable to sleep I took a whole sleeve on anti-anxiety medication. I didn’t have the intention of self harm, but just wanted to sleep, however, when I look back I did also know that what i was doing wasn’t good.

I then decided that to get better I had to talk. I told my psychologist who I had started seeing towards the end of my pregnancy and had never talked to her about my feelings. I had previously only spoken about the children and dealing with trivial daily things. I had the community nurse ring my husband and GP telling them what was going on so I could no longer hide it. And had I not started to open up the healing process may never have started.

It is so important to know that you are not alone. You are never alone! Even if you don’t want to seek help from those you are close to, seek if from other places such as helplines and medical practitioners.

Sarah, mum to 2 boys Harrison and Hugo

IF YOU THINK YOU COULD BE YOU, PLEASE LOOK FOR SUPPORT FROM ONE OF THE SOURCES BELOW

https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/mental-health-helplines

PANDA's Helpline is here to support all expecting and new parents. ⁠

1300 726 306 9am – 7.30pm Mon – Fri (AEST/AEDT)⁠

www.panda.org.au